from an introvert

There’s the idea of an introverted extrovert and an extroverted introvert. Then there’s people who skew extremely “E”, or extremely “I”. I like to call them extroverted extroverts and introverted introverts.

If you know me personally, you would know that I’m severely introverted. Introverted to the point where I’ve scored 90% Introvert on the MBTI every single time I’ve taken it. Every year I grow a bit taller and wiser but my capacity to “extravert” is stunted.

The world we live in is often at the advantage and benefit of extroverts; those who have social charisma and enjoy the networking are the ones who tend to “make it” in life. But what does that leave us introverts? Why do our efforts to engage somehow amount to less? How can we make an impact in the world when people don’t seem to see or hear us? What can extroverts learn from introverts? And to my concern, how can the uniqueness of introverts be used for God’s glory?

Here are a few things I’ve struggled with as an introvert and how God has helped move me from a place of insecurity to a confidence and contentment grounded in His truth.

(I only graze the surface of my past experiences here—reach out to me if you’d like to hear more! I would love to connect with you, but not in a LinkedIn kind of way)

Winning the approval of others

There was a period of time in my life where I had crippling social anxiety. I wasn’t formally diagnosed with SAD (social anxiety disorder), but the intensity of my anxiety ultimately pushed me to seek professional help. High school was a vicious cycle of vanity and self-hatred; living mostly in my head didn’t help my case. I was insecure about everything, but mostly my intelligence (I was part of a smart friend group). Because I struggled to feel like I was enough in my academics, I channeled my energy into things I was confident in—music and dance. And to be honest, I was praised for it; it inflated my ego. I hid my insecurity of talking to people under a layer of fragile confidence. People seemed to stick around because my skills could entertain them. The reality is that performative personality doesn’t forge relationships…it’s authenticity that yields real connection.

When the extrovert adopts the introvert

“Every extroverted person has an introverted best friend.” While this statement holds true for me (haha), I never enjoyed feeling as if I was someone that needed to be socially conditioned to be more outgoing. I say this as a general sentiment because I do feel accepted by my extroverted friends—but I’m referring to social situations where an introvert is being themselves (not necessarily looking for conversation, soaking in the space, etc.) and an extrovert notices the introvert standing there and starts walking towards them. In those moments I’ll ask myself, “oh no, should I run?” not because I dislike the person, but because in that moment I need time to myself. Though the intention to initiate interaction is often harmless and fueled by curiosity, it is difficult, as the introvert, to ask for space instead. Part of it is people-pleasing and the pressure to say “yes” to every invitation that comes my way, but another part of me wants to be the one to initiate. Introverts have the desire to connect, too! But oftentimes it is the extrovert that adopts the introvert.

Awkward silences

A lot of people I meet aren’t very comfortable with silence. Silence is typically perceived to kill the conversation. Those 2, 3 seconds of eye contact in between sentences…the tension is quite palpable. We feel like we need to fill in the silence, or else connection runs dry. Does it mean this person and I aren’t compatible as friends? Does it mean they’re no longer interested in talking to me, or don’t like me as a person? I used to entertain these thoughts regularly as someone who experiences social anxiety, but I learned over time that silence can be a secret ingredient, a segue into deeper connection. In a spiritual disciplines book that I had borrowed from a friend, it talks about the aspect of social connection where we take in the whole of a person and give compassion and empathy based on what we see in a person’s face and body. That is such a beautiful perspective of connection. Connection isn’t just verbal, or spoken. God made me in His whole image; connection is so much more. We are multi-dimensional beings with minds, hearts, and souls. Let’s embrace silence as an opportunity to make room for those parts of us.

Testing my limits

I’m pretty protective of my energy as an introvert. At social gatherings, I’m usually a fly on the wall (perhaps you’ve seen me identify my little corner in the room and retreat there when I need to “introvert”). One of my favorite Instagram reels is the one where the person runs to the restroom during a party and stays in there for a long time. I feel understood by that reel, haha.

I like to follow the social current, though, and will often find myself striving to match the energies of others. Sometimes I wonder what it’s like to be high-energy, if it ever gets tiring for those who love socializing. If I ever lived a day in someone else’s shoes, maybe I would try living as an extrovert. At the core, though, I am but a mellow yellow banana. I just wanted to write that sentence, don’t mind me. Anyways, knowing when to engage and when it’s time to pull back is a constant game of balance. I don’t think it’s an exclusive struggle to introverts, but as an introvert who gets overstimulated easily, I tend to consider it more.

Why I love being an introvert

In some sense of the word, being an introvert means I choose my interactions more consciously. It has allowed me to intentionally enter into conversations and social settings, desiring to listen, to reflect, to respond. I’ve been cultivating more awareness of when it’s time to seek solitude and recharge, knowing that when I return, I can better show up for others in a way that’s both present and genuine.

I can be selfish with my time when I want it for myself. The conviction I’ve realized in my walk with Christ, though, is that He knows best what it means to rest and what it means to connect. To do both without self-sacrificing or people-pleasing. To give rest to Himself in a way that edifies his body and soul and to give energy to others in a way that lifts them up. I feel comforted knowing I have His model to imitate and learn from.

Jesus retreated from public spaces regularly to commune and rest with his Father. He taught amongst the crowds, ate with his disciples, and loved on the outcasts, but not without receiving and putting on the Spirit of rest. It’s encouraging to remember that Jesus chose to be near to God moments before he was to be crucified. When there was so much negativity and noise that threatened his peace, he practiced what he preached in Matthew 11:28-30, which reads:

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

The point is not that Jesus is an introvert, or that Jesus is an extrovert. I wouldn’t confine him to that since he rests and connects with no flaw. What I’ve taken away from this Scripture in relation to my introversion is that I shouldn’t feel as if I’m confined, either. Sometimes it may feel like that’s a big chunk of who I am as a person and that my identity lies in how much energy I’m able to put out, but not so—I can confidently look to my Savior, the One who makes me whole and reminds me that I am wholly loved despite my limits.